I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
