You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
