I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
