so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
