i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
