I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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