My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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