My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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