yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
