im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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