There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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