And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize