Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
