I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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