i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
