they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
