I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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