Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
