i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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