I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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