Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
