I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
