Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
