Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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