I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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