You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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