Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
