I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
