who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
