it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
