haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
