i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
