508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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