I wanna passion pit in your ass
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
