were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize