She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
