It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
