She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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