My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
