Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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