So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
