Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
