I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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