Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Someone came in the potted fern
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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