If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
