Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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