Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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