I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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