she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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