thus making me awesome and them whores
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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