Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
