READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
