I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
