Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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