People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
