I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
