I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize