I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
