I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
