I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
