I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
