...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
