I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
