i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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