If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
there is puke in my bra ... again
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