Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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