Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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