Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
