I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
