I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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